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how dark do you like your tea?

how dark do you like your tea?

Do you ever really stop to think about the things you put in your body? How often do we look at our food consumption and think “gods, I need to eat better”? And how about your brain? Do you ever think about what the media you put into it does to it? Do you make those sorts of choices conscientiously or are you the type to just “catch whatever’s there”? And does the media make the person? Or does the person choose the media based on their personality.

I have an obsession with horror movies/novels/comics. Do you think it’s because I have a dark outlook on life? Or do you think that dark outlook was caused by the obsession?

For the record: I definitely was cynical long before I became a fan of horror. I didn’t really get into horror until my 20s. Although I enjoyed a lot of darker, “gothic” things and many horror novels in high school I was simply not the type to watch a lot of movies. I grew into that, as I found myself with less time but also more jaded by the experiences life had brought me. I often get to a point where all I feel is empty and I’ll do just about anything to try and jumpstart some sort of emotion – any emotion. That was why I started watching horror movies seriously. I wanted to scare myself back to reason. Unfortunately, all it’s really done is numb me to most fears. Although I’m easy to startle, it’s almost impossible to actually scare me.

Well. Unless you know my triggers.

I still watch horror, though, even if the scary factor has worn off. Why? Because they reflect my views of life far better than ordinary drama or comedies. (I actually despise most comedies.) I especially find “chick flicks” to be trashy and fake and impossible. Life isn’t like that. Romance is laughable to me. I believe in love but romance is a sick veneer set out to fool the innocently hopeful and I won’t waste my time watching/reading about it.

But horror? Horror presents such fantastic ideas of real hope and real love. It presents facets of real human emotion, not just prettified happily-ever-after shit. For example? Here are some of my favourite lines from horror/thriller films:

“I don’t want her to fucking cope, I want her to be okay!” (28 Days Later)

“People don’t always tell you what they are thinking. They just see to it that you don’t advance in life.” (Hannibal)

“Congratulations. You are still alive. Most people are so ungrateful to be alive. But not you. Not anymore.” (Saw)

“At the end of time, a moment will come when just one man remains. Then the moment will pass. Man will be gone. There will be nothing to show that we were ever here… but stardust.” (Sunshine)

“You’re all gonna die. The only question is how you check out. Do you want it on your feet? Or on your fuckin’ knees… begging? I ain’t much for begging! Nobody ever gave me nothing! So I say *fuck* that thing! Let’s fight it!” (Alien3)

“Why? Why are the innocent punished? Why the sacrifice? Why the pain? There aren’t any promises. Nothing certain. Only that some get called, some get saved. She won’t ever know the hardship and grief for those of us left behind. We commit these bodies to the void with a glad heart. For within each seed, there is a promise of a flower, and within each death, no matter how small, there’s always a new life. A new beginning. Amen.” (Alien3)

“Life is a game. So fight for survival and see if you’re worth it.” (Battle Royal)

“Do know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost.” (A Tale of Two Sisters)

Cherry Darling: “I’m not that optimistic. I feel like I’m sinking down a drain and I can’t get out.”
Dr. Dakota Block: “She’d say, ‘when you’re stuck in that spiral, you reach up’.”
Cherry Darling: “What if there’s nothing up there?”
Dr. Dakota Block: “Just reach up.” (Planet Terror)

::: Absent :::

::: Absent :::

I’ve noticed you’re
not really there
or are you

you just want me
to believe you are
how selfish

I gave you my heart
you can’t even give me
the time of day

::: Bruised Stars :::

::: Bruised Stars :::

the stars are well abused
every lover calls on them
writes their story through
then demand that they fall

where are they now, then?
these dire astral visions
plummeting before you
making way for your desire

bruise their glassy egos
make your pleasure worthy
for vanity buys their death
shining in all its terror

::: Darker Dreaming :::

::: Darker Dreaming :::

fragmental thoughts indulged
colours creep through my mind
nightmares show me who I am
cutting my wrists in union

dreaming tears of drowning
falling through broken glass
the joy of being used by you
I beg that you leave me again

cohesion sips from my veins
calling me to another bridge
water fills my nose and mouth
and I’m choking on what we were

::: A Habit Of :::

::: A Habit Of :::

my scars pained me, but you never knew
you didn’t bother to ask about that
demons only mattered if they were yours
so we both ignored the ones eating me
you made a habit of fooling me
so I made a habit of

covering my skin with my empty love
I cried for you in vain that night
you mocked me for my indescretion
so I bit my tongue on my admittance
you made a habit of hurting me
so I made a habit of

waiting for hours just to hear you
tell me you were tired and had no time
when I should have caught up on sleep
instead of wasting away for a dream
you made a habit of leaving me
so I made a habit of

listening to your meaningless whispers
but I mistook them as promised future
and I took you in to my deepest part
which made it easier for you to lie
you made a habit of killing me
so I made a habit of

dying

::: Orange Paint :::

::: Orange Paint :::

the strangest things remind me
of her
a spot of orange
paint on my laptop cord
from the time when she helped me paint
my brother’s room, for once
such things were fun for her and not a chore
much like me

::: Bright Crown :::

::: Bright Crown :::

plucking stars from the night sky
to place them under your crown
o king, can you not light my way?
I long for your knight in the moon
my shadows become me

an old dress made from gravestones
to wear as I bow before your might
dignity found between two of us
becomes armour for dear sir knight
her beauty mocks me

our future is built from the past
yours is noble and bright chivalry
mine is built from the dirty blood
though they both share the same sky
its struggle pains me

with heart made from a dozen arrows
wooden lord of trysts and robbers
I had you up my sleeve for a reason
you escaped with my sun but I laugh
your daring amuses me

dear king, dear knight, dear sky
take this offering made from my skin
and add it to your greater beings
sacrifice me before your glory
my words betray me

::: A Flower’s Prayer :::

::: A Flower’s Prayer :::

kiss me good, knight
your valour cures evil
and begs my chastity
but I know you won’t

my heart’s own love
led me to the gallows
but you never saw
my dangling feet

would you lift me
to your dear heavens
if I were to ask?
I know I’m too shy

when I fell to earth
it swallowed me down
and I became it’s child
dust to dust to seed

should I now blossom
would you pick my bloom?
willingly, I’d wither
in your loving care

::: Breakfast :::

::: Breakfast :::

porridge boils to burn my mouth
for I take it far too sweet
what else can I do?

she was my bread and butter
and he my cup of tea
but now I dine on cake with honey
and drink my vodka straight

do I deny one for the other? no
but they’ve forsaken me
breakfast will never be the same

::: Blind Faith :::

::: Blind Faith :::

keep your saviour god, I need no saving
your plastic crosses are just depressing
what happened to the tree?
once you wrote on paper but now only read from screens
your lines will destroy you

I am not without sin, I am before it
my morality falls wide of your notions
can I sing your charms?
my gods become more than yours by being less
it’s a simple complication

your aspect of faith postdates mine on the card
yet the divine becomes the same for it is holy
will madness guide us?
we must blind ourselves to see the true path of light
different roads but same destination