Tea With a Mad Girl

I’ve noticed you’re
not really there
or are you

you just want me
to believe you are
how selfish

I gave you my heart
you can’t even give me
the time of day

the stars are well abused
every lover calls on them
writes their story through
then demand that they fall

where are they now, then?
these dire astral visions
plummeting before you
making way for your desire

bruise their glassy egos
make your pleasure worthy
for vanity buys their death
shining in all its terror

fragmental thoughts indulged
colours creep through my mind
nightmares show me who I am
cutting my wrists in union

dreaming tears of drowning
falling through broken glass
the joy of being used by you
I beg that you leave me again

cohesion sips from my veins
calling me to another bridge
water fills my nose and mouth
and I’m choking on what we were

my scars pained me, but you never knew
you didn’t bother to ask about that
demons only mattered if they were yours
so we both ignored the ones eating me
you made a habit of fooling me
so I made a habit of

covering my skin with my empty love
I cried for you in vain that night
you mocked me for my indescretion
so I bit my tongue on my admittance
you made a habit of hurting me
so I made a habit of

waiting for hours just to hear you
tell me you were tired and had no time
when I should have caught up on sleep
instead of wasting away for a dream
you made a habit of leaving me
so I made a habit of

listening to your meaningless whispers
but I mistook them as promised future
and I took you in to my deepest part
which made it easier for you to lie
you made a habit of killing me
so I made a habit of

dying

the strangest things remind me
of her
a spot of orange
paint on my laptop cord
from the time when she helped me paint
my brother’s room, for once
such things were fun for her and not a chore
much like me

plucking stars from the night sky
to place them under your crown
o king, can you not light my way?
I long for your knight in the moon
my shadows become me

an old dress made from gravestones
to wear as I bow before your might
dignity found between two of us
becomes armour for dear sir knight
her beauty mocks me

our future is built from the past
yours is noble and bright chivalry
mine is built from the dirty blood
though they both share the same sky
its struggle pains me

with heart made from a dozen arrows
wooden lord of trysts and robbers
I had you up my sleeve for a reason
you escaped with my sun but I laugh
your daring amuses me

dear king, dear knight, dear sky
take this offering made from my skin
and add it to your greater beings
sacrifice me before your glory
my words betray me

kiss me good, knight
your valour cures evil
and begs my chastity
but I know you won’t

my heart’s own love
led me to the gallows
but you never saw
my dangling feet

would you lift me
to your dear heavens
if I were to ask?
I know I’m too shy

when I fell to earth
it swallowed me down
and I became it’s child
dust to dust to seed

should I now blossom
would you pick my bloom?
willingly, I’d wither
in your loving care

porridge boils to burn my mouth
for I take it far too sweet
what else can I do?

she was my bread and butter
and he my cup of tea
but now I dine on cake with honey
and drink my vodka straight

do I deny one for the other? no
but they’ve forsaken me
breakfast will never be the same

keep your saviour god, I need no saving
your plastic crosses are just depressing
what happened to the tree?
once you wrote on paper but now only read from screens
your lines will destroy you

I am not without sin, I am before it
my morality falls wide of your notions
can I sing your charms?
my gods become more than yours by being less
it’s a simple complication

your aspect of faith postdates mine on the card
yet the divine becomes the same for it is holy
will madness guide us?
we must blind ourselves to see the true path of light
different roads but same destination

apparantly our rebelling failed
halt this weekend non-conformist
your crumpled heart was brought low
but this plague of words doesn’t end
a glass jar filled with paper scars

explanations forgotten in telling
hold the sign higher from your face
our dying revolution gives birth
ideas flaking off my frozen melody
freedom songs in tattered blue skirts