It’s funny, but no matter how many times the bloodwork comes back good I’m still convinced that I’m slowly dying. I certainly feel like it this morning (and far too many mornings, I feel). If I didn’t know better, I’d say I was badly hungover. But I know better. a) I’ve never had more than a headache for a hangover in my life b) I haven’t touched alcohol in quite a while.

Why don’t I do alcohol? Well, partly because my meds tell me not to but mostly because an addictive personality is one of the fun possible side effects of being bipolar…

An addictive personality refers to a particular set of personality traits that make an individual predisposed to addictions. Addictions are characterized by a physical or psychological dependency that negatively impacts the quality of life of the person. They are frequently connected with substance abuse, but people with addictive personalities are also highly at risk of becoming addicted to gambling, food, exercise, work, and even relationships (codependency) . People engaged in addictive behaviour tend to plan their lives around it .

(Wikipedia)

I know I have a caffeine addiction. I’ve had alcohol addictions in past. I suspect I have an addiction to self-harm, but I’m not quite ready to face that one yet. (“Can’t sleep, not bleeding” has become far too frequent a thought…) I’m definitely guilty of people/relationship addictions, but those ones always end horribly. (Not surprising, though.) And the shopping addiction is just… not good. Maybe if I had a job and no other expenses, it might be okay. Maybe. Probably not.

Music is a huge addiction for me – I own over 500 CDs – as are DVDs – over 200 – but I’ve been very good to keep myself away from those temptations for the most part, as I know I can easily spend $100 in one blow. Books are just as bad for me.

As I sit here with my morning cuppa, let’s get back to the caffeine addiction which causes headaches if it is not fulfilled. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to keep caffeine to a minimum with my meds, but it just ain’t gonna happen with me. I mean look at the name of this blog.

Sometimes I can be really bad for me. Often, to be fair.